For weeks now, I have been a passive observer of life. Juggling so many things at once, I decided to take a back seat for a while. Well I didn’t decide; I was forced to. I started this year with great energy. Too much I think. The plan was to accomplish as much as I could, take in as much as I could contain and also give out as much I could afford to.
I was running…very fast and I had my destination in mind. But it wasn’t a smooth run. I fell several times. One time, I didn’t think I could get back up. Another time I thought, “Why should I get back up.” Then there are those voices; the real and the imagined. “What are you doing”, “Are you the only one”, “What makes you so special” “Why you”. Those voices were a nagging weight luring me heavily in the opposite direction. But I kept running.
You may be wondering what it is that I’m running towards or why it is such a big deal for me to run. I’m running because there is so much to do and the reality is that I do not have all the time in the world to do it. However, in running this self-mandatory sprint, I have forgotten some essential things. Things like health, serenity, care and love. Honestly, these things have taken a back seat in the last few months. It’s been all about me, me, me.
What happened to living life to the fullest; living in a way that is balanced? I have no idea. Somehow I have managed to disconnect myself from my world. I am present, yet I am not present. I am living my future forgetting that the present still has to be written. That’s why I decided to pause. To take a breath. To see…see life as it passes by. To cherish the things that once put a smile on my face; the breaking of dawn, random conversations from people passing by, the banter from my neighbour’s children, those silly moments that brings great joy. I am forgetting to live life and that really is a problem.
As I observe and get back into the present, I see a world that needs love. I see people that need others to care. People that will say “How are you” and mean it. So many times I have forgotten to smile at people who I used to smile at simply because I was rushing somewhere. So many times I have ignored people because my mind was fixated on solving a particular problem. Now I observe and I see many people hurting. I see the silent cry of pain on people’s faces; people who simply need a hug or a warm shoulder to cry on. I see the things I missed out on as I ran through the last three months without looking back.
Let’s dream but let’s not also forget to live. It’ll be sad to achieve your dream only to realise that you are the only one who made it there. Take some time out to observe; to see others. This is easier for some people to do. For me and others like me, it is something we have to consciously work at to ensure that we are not consumed in our world.
So this is me saying “Hello world. I’m pausing. I’m seeing and I’m living.”