Birthday blues: The last few days of 25

I still find it hard to believe that in less than three weeks, I’ll be leaving 25 and moving on to 26! Where did the time go to? It still feels a bit surreal. My brother came to my room with great excitement on Monday and said “Guess what is happening next week?” I couldn’t guess. I had no interest in guessing. He was surprised. He thought I’d be able to answer that question with ease. As he stared at me in disbelief, it finally dawned on me. “Oh December starts on Tuesday! My birthday is coming.”

What is it abut growing older that makes the excitement of birthdays leave you or reduce significantly? Maybe it’s just me. Last year, I had a near meltdown. This year, I’m just numb. People keep asking me “So what are you going to do for your birthday?” I try to feel their excitement. Sometimes I talk about it to ginger myself but who am I kidding? It’s not working. My birthday is coming and I don’t know how I feel about it.

I know someone is thinking maybe it’s because I’m scared of adding a new year like I was last year. Actually, that’s not it. With the way 25 turned out, there is no need for me to ever be afraid of adding a new year. Sometimes I sit down and wonder why I was so fearful about 25. It has turned out to be the most amazing year yet. Even though my expectation was low, God surpassed even the best expectation I could have had. It still surprises me how things turned out. So I’m definitely not scared.

Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I’m over-analysing things like I normally do. I’ve been so stressed in the last few weeks, I literally feel my body shutting down gradually. Maybe that’s why it’s difficult to be excited. Or maybe it’s because despite the great blessings God has given me so far, there are still one or two things hanging. Now if the year ends and those things don’t happen, it’s not a big deal. God has done more than what I could ever ask for or imagine. Those two things, when compared with the blessings I have received so far, are insignificant. And it’s never too late for a miracle to happen right? If you’re expecting me to tell you what those things are, sorry. I’ll probably let you in on what they are later in the year. Now is not the time to do so.

Right now, I’m counting down patiently to December 14, the day of my birth, the day that I am always made to feel special. I pray I can get excited in the coming days because 25 has been truly incredible. I should celebrate although I know I might not. My introvert tendencies have gone up a notch! Hmm…maybe that’s it. I’ve become too serious for my own good that birthdays have lost their appeal. I see some people nodding in agreement! Anyway, let’s see how things go 🙂

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