The fear of facing a crowd

Adedoyin Jaiyesimi

I’ve been trying to prepare my speech for this awesome event and I just have to be real with you. I am quite nervous. Give me a desk behind a stage and I’ll be very comfortable but ask me to step on that same stage in the full view of everyone and then my heart begins to race like crazy.

For weeks I have put off preparing for this event. At first I gave the excuse of not being given the topic to talk about. Then the topic came and I still put it off. It’s not like it’s a difficult topic. I’ll be sharing about how to use social media as a tool for Kingdom expansion. That’s right up my alley isn’t it? Yet fear still came.

On Monday I opened the invitation later and I looked at the topic again. “You have to do this Adedoyin”, I said to myself. Throughout the course of the day, the topic was at the back of my mind but nothing concrete came out of it. At 1 am just when I was preparing for bed, it hit me. The words that I should say, the angle I should approach it from, how I should start, how I should conclude…my whole speech came to me live in my mind. Exciting! I didn’t write it down but I knew the plan in my heart.

Yesterday I decided to do some further research on the topic. The first Google link I clicked on was exactly what the Holy Spirit had shown me in the early hours of the day. I smiled and suddenly, I felt that fear leave me. Nothing caused that fear but myself. I didn’t want to let people down. There’s a pressure that comes when people have high expectations of you.

It reminds me of when my friend got married two years ago. She insisted that I would be the one to give the toast. When she told me, I didn’t think it would be a big deal but as the day drew closer, it hit me “Oh my God, I don’t know what I’m going to say!” You wouldn’t believe it, just a few hours to the reception I still did not know what to say. As my friend said her vows, it came to me. It was a Scripture. I had an idea of what the Scripture was about but I needed the exact words. I took my phone, opened my Bible App and as I read the verse, the words started coming to me. So I took the wedding programme and scribbled away. I wrote about five lines.

When the time came for me to give the toast, I launched into my speech, exactly the way the words had come to me. As the words came out I just felt a burst of energy from somewhere and everything went smoothly. I got back to my seat and people were just going on and on about how profound the speech was. Even the next day, I still received positive comments about it. It was hard to convince people that the only preparation I had was that moment in Church. They believed I had been practicing for days.

Honestly, I believe that there is a gift that God has given each and everyone of us that comes with ease. Don’t ever despise that gift. Mine is with words. They just come to me. It is not something I can explain. Stop struggling to be something God has not created you to be. Find out that gift that you have and make the most of it.

I sit back now and I am grateful to God that I am not working in McKinsey or Deloitte. I thank God that my gift of words is making room for me, opening mighty doors and blessing millions all over the world. I say millions because very soon millions of people will gather to hear me speak. Millions of people will come to my blog to read my posts. Millions of people will be impacted by this beautiful gift God has given to me.

smw

If you’ll be in Ibadan this weekend, I invite you to come for this event. The topic is one that I am really passionate about. You’ll learn a thing or two and there’ll be free wifi too. See you there!

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