How do you mend a broken family?

Over the past few weeks, my mother and I have been doing very well. We talk more and the conversations are not awkward. Honestly, I think God just decided to bless me and answer my prayers because the turn of events took me by surprise. Thanks to great advice from friends and God’s guidance, I have played my part in being a better daughter.

I took my time to study my mother and find out her love language as someone suggested. What I discovered is that her love language is ‘acts of service’. Go figure! My mother can send you on 10 errands in five minutes. Trust me, I am not exaggerating. I now understand why we used to fight a lot. I never liked the errands. I always made myself unavailable. For me, the errands were a distraction when all I just wanted to do was lock myself in my room and be alone. I did that a lot when I was much younger. Actually, I still do it now but it is not as bad.

When I discovered her love language, I decided to start working in the living room. That’s where she stays when she comes back from work and she remains there until she is ready to go to bed. Now, it wasn’t very convenient for me to do this but I knew that I just had to do it. So in the middle of writing a very important article, my mum can send me to do something and I would get up and do it. No grumbling. No funny face. Just good old obedience. I saw my mum testing waters the first day I moved my workstation to the living room. It was like she was waiting for me to start complaining but that old Doyin is long gone. Praise God!

It’s been weeks since I made that move and great things have just been happening. My mum has started opening up to me. She tells me her dreams and desires and I just listen. She even seeks my opinion on certain matters. That’s a giant stride and I am grateful to God for how He has turned things around between us. But there is something I don’t know how to deal with and that is her telling me about this man who is interested in her. Like seriously, it just makes me very uncomfortable.

Now, my parents have been separated for over 16 years and neither of them got married since then. I understand what a huge sacrifice it must have been for my mother to be without a man for this long. What I don’t know is how I am supposed to deal with these recent developments. I want her to be happy but I feel this man is a stranger who wants to intrude in my family. I felt the same way when my dad had this lady that he planned to get married to shortly after the separation. From the first day I met her, I just disliked her and I did everything in my power to get her out of his house. She eventually left a few months later.

So here I am; with a great desire to see my mother happy, my family intact and not being selfish at the same time. Sigh. Honestly, there are times I wish my life was less complicated. I admire my friends whose parents are still together even in their old age. They don’t deal with these issues. Someone told me that it’s inevitable. When I get married and my brother moves out of the house, who will take care of my mother? It’s a valid point which I understand but it still doesn’t change the way I feel.

My feelings aside, my greatest desire is for my family to be saved. I believe every other thing will fall into place as it ought to; as God has already planned it to. What I want right now for my family is to have an abundance of love, peace and unity. Gradually, I see it happening. The fact that we have reached this point is a testimony to the fact that God indeed answers prayers. He heard all those prayers I said for my family and the secret cry of my heart and I am truly grateful.


4 Replies to “How do you mend a broken family?”

  1. So happy for you that you and your mum are finally in that place of harmony between you. Closing such gaps do open up the opportunity to learn a whole lot more from the rights and wrongs of parents as you become a friend and confidant.
    As to her intended relationship,it’s the kind of time when you ‘cast your cares(1 Peter 5.8)’ upon the Lord and entrust your mum and the future of the family to him. A man can walk in and show so much love that both your mum and you guys will be happier and he can come in and be a huge problem to you all. As you pray persistently about it,you will come to a point of peace that assured you all will be wellPhilipians 4.6).
    Thanks for sharing with us.

  2. Adedoyin darling,
    Glad to hear this testimony.
    Daddy has said it all oh.
    Prayer is the key dear,
    May God grant you the grace to patiently wait while you pray your cares out.
    Love you always

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