“When are you going to get a real job?”
I heard those stinging works barely four weeks ago and somehow, it has lingered in my mind all this while. While you try to get it all together and put up a brave face for the world, deep within you may be fighting tough battles. This has been for some weeks now. I see the vision of where I God is taking me, I am excited about it and I’m ready to work as hard as I can to get there. Problem is my family members don’t see this vision.
My mum asked me the question above when I informed her that I would be travelling to Ibadan for a programme organised by church. You should have seen the look on her face, like I am wasting my life. I know…I should be used to such reactions right? Maybe. I just felt that after all these years, maybe, just maybe, my family will understand or just accept that I am not willing to go the path they want me to go. But that’s not the case. It’s like they are waiting for me to say, “Ok I have come to my senses and I am not doing this Jesus thing again.”
While the words and side comments are hurtful, I still feel bad. There are many things I would love to do for my family but I can’t do them right now. I would love to support my mum financially but it’s not yet time for that. I also wish they could be proud of me. I went somewhere with my mum over the weekend and when it came to the point of talking about what I do, I saw the embarrassed look on her face. I pretended as if I wasn’t paying attention to the conversation but I know my mum was wishing she could say, “Adedoyin is working in shell.” My aunties look at me like “What in the world are you doing with your life?”
God has placed me in my family for a reason but it really does get tough. I am could be stubborn but having to keep my head above all the negativity has been overwhelming. But this is the confidence that I hold on to; God who has started this good work in me will bring it to completion. I don’t know how long it will take but I know my family will be using me to boast to people. That’s what keeps me going despite all the side talk and mockery.
And then, there is the important issue of walking in love towards my family members. This has been the hardest part of my love walk. It’s so easy to love people who love you back. Try loving people who think you are wasting your life. It’s not very easy to do but it must be done. I think about Jesus and really, how did He do it? While He was on earth, He loved everyone including the people who crucified Him. That’s just deep. I’m really praying that God will reveal more of His love to me because right now, I just feel discouraged. Something happened yesterday which I cannot really share here. I had to sing just to keep myself from screaming the frustration away. And I know all the cold attitude and comments I received were as a result of the fact that I have chosen to throw everything away and pursue Christ.
Love can be difficult in certain circumstances but it’s not an excuse to give up. The person you are trying to love may persist in their mean behaviour. That’s their problem. You stay committed to your quest to love. What I have realised is that when you do this, you become a better person. You learn to overlook certain things. You also learn how to be more tolerant. I tell my friends that God is dealing with me in the area of long suffering. I can be very impatient with people. Before now, if you offend me or do something I don’t like, I will simply move on. I would have fought my family members for any bad comments they made to me. Now, I’m learning to hold my tongue and just be patient. Although it has not been easy, I cannot count the number of arguments I have saved myself from.
Obviously I am not perfect yet but I’m getting better. I pray I get to the point where the things people do in my family will not get to me. I don’t want comments to linger in my mind for four weeks anymore. I want to be able to take in the good and discard the bad. Whatever side they decide to show me, I want to be able to love them anyway.
God makes everything beautiful in its time. I believe very soon, everything will be beautiful in my family. Amen and amen!