Last week, I had a conversation with one of my Pastors and he said “Two broken people cannot be complete in marriage.” How true that statement is and it applies outside the setting of marriage.
A broken person cannot love authentically – too many barriers will hinder the growth and expression of true love. The reason is obvious; broken people have a distorted idea of love. They have been heart-broken and they have a negative impression of love. Some find it difficult to accept true love and may even run away from it, choosing rather to stay guarded than taking that love.
I should know – I have been at that point myself. As frequent readers of this blog already know, my impression of love got distorted when I was much younger. I didn’t even know such a thing existed because it was never displayed in my house. Love for me was doing well in your exam and getting any gift of your choice from daddy. My impression of love was further distorted in those years where I saw my mother as my enemy. It was with this thought about love that I went into my first relationship. Although it lasted for a long time (one of my best relationships I must confess), it was rocky. Poor guy. He had to deal with this young lady that had a fortress around her heart. I give him credit though. Even though the relationship had to end, I have to say he brought a ray of light into my dark soul at the time.
So I moved on from this relationship into another one (like a year after) and I think this was the relationship that further distorted my idea of love. At the end of it, I felt drained. I didn’t want to have anything to do with loving people. That’s really when I started moving on from people. I didn’t even give people a chance to get to know me so they don’t hurt me. Things stayed like this until I got actively involved in ministry. I was surrounded by people who genuinely cared about me and I didn’t know why. They would go out of their way to do things for me and it touched me. However I didn’t get too close. I still had the issues in my heart. Although I was gradually being healed, I didn’t embrace love fully. I was selective with whom I showed kindness to. I was indifferent to those who just seemed to get on my nerve.
When I look back at these events, I can see why I am the way I am right now. I am not trying to excuse my behaviour but retracing one’s steps helps in providing a solution for a problem. First and foremost, the underlying issue is one of trust and just allowing myself to be vulnerable. I’m too guarded, even now that I have surrendered my heart to God. I still feel the need to ‘protect’ myself from people when I should really just let God take control. So I’m definitely still holding on to the effects of these experiences. Letting them go is the first thing I need to do as I begin this love walk.
Why am I going on and on about past experiences and being broken? Well, it is because to truly love others, you have to look inwards. Your love walk will be a waste of time if you don’t begin with yourself. How can you solve a problem when you don’t know where it originated from? For some of you, it may be an unforgiving spirit or bitterness towards someone who caused you great pain. For others, it may be your upbringing. You have to find the root problem for yourself. Once you identify it, bring it before God. He says we should cast our cares upon Him and that’s exactly what you need to do. Jesus heals broken hearts. Ask Him to heal yours. Ask Him to replace that broken-heart with a whole one. And if you need to forgive anyone, now is the time to do so and let them go from your heart.
Don’t rush this process because this is the foundation. Take your time. Think back, reflect and write down the things you are still holding on to. Remember, broken people cannot love others genuinely.