I’m about to have a really long weekend. I think tedious will be a better word to use. My childhood friend is getting married tomorrow and I am one of her bridesmaids. You may be wondering, “What’s wrong with being a bridesmaid?” Nothing to be honest. The little issue is that I do not feel like being surrounded by a bunch of people I do not know while I paste a smile on my face to last me the whole day. God forbid that one of the bridesmaid is caught frowning. Who knows what people will think; that she is not happy for the bride perhaps?
Well….that’s not usually the case. I usually avoid requests to be part of anybody’s bridal train because it is an activity that drains me mentally and emotionally. I have always hated the noise and pomp of weddings. I remember when I was eight and I told my parents that I never wanted to be a flower girl for any of their friends. I hated the fact that I had to smile; “Ah flower girl smile now”, they’ll always say. Then there were those over-zealous women who felt the need to attack my face with endless layers of white powder. Needless to say, I hardly looked pretty in any of the wedding pictures. The videos were worse.
There was a particular lady, my mum’s friend, who insisted that she wanted me on her bridal train. I was in secondary school at the time. Just to avoid long arguments with my mum, I made an exception to my rule. What a big mistake. It was a horrible experience. Where do I start from? Is it the oversized dress that was given to me? Or the fact that my sole duty on the train was to throw sweets at the guests? ‘Sweet lady’ they called it. Or maybe it was the fact that the train had to go from one street to the next dancing like we had nothing better to do because different factions of people were hosting parties on behalf of the couple. I was having none of it. I remember walking out after we got to the second street and I headed straight for my mum’s car. I had endured enough.
I think the only wedding ceremony I really enjoyed was that of my flatmate from uni. Even at that, I had to ginger myself for over a week so that I could be the life of the party. And I pulled it off. I was very social, friendly…I really went out of my way to make sure I enjoyed the whole experience. When I returned home, I needed a week alone just to recover. Yes…it’s that serious. So you can see why I’m a bit anxious about tomorrow. In fact, later today all the bridesmaids will be staying in the same hotel. I have never met these people before. My friend who is getting married, well I only said yes to her request because we’ve known each other since we were kids. She probably has no clue the kind of anxiety I’m having right now. I’m stuck between plastering a smile on my face while I put up a show for everyone (after all, it’s only one day) and just being myself.
Sometimes I really do wish I wasn’t an introvert. If you’re not an introvert you cannot understand the dilemma I’m facing. I had to seek advice from some of my mentors because my social skills are not where they should be. I was advised to read books on emotional intelligence. I’ve read one or two…I don’t think I found them helpful but “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie was recommended to me. I really pray it helps me. I actually want relate with people better. I’m sure there is a way I can balance being an introvert with being social when I need to be. I was able balance it in the past but the older I got, the less I was able to maintain that balance. I went farther and farther into my shell. I think it’s time to come back out.
Anyway back to this wedding issue, what do you suggest I should do? Fake it until it’s over? Try my best to be interested in the events of the moment? Sigh. Lord take control. I’m sure I’ll be fine. There’s always a way out. Fingers crossed…I won’t have to ‘escape’ from the wedding. Let’s see how it goes 🙂