This thing called ‘Love’

Love Jesus

For many years, I battled with the true definition of love. Love was a strange concept to me. I grew up in a family where we just lived together. There was no physical display of love. No “I love you” was ever passed around and mushiness was generally frowned upon. So as a child, love to me was non-existent.

I watched how my parents related with one another when my dad was still living with us and I didn’t understand how they could cope living like that. I didn’t get why my mother could want that kind of life. My parents lived separate lives even though they were living under the same roof. There was a certain awkwardness. Although I didn’t understand the full implication of marriage, I didn’t want to be a part of it because of what I could see from my parents. Their separation made it even worse. I had a firm resolve; I was never going to get married.

Love truly was a stranger to me. I remember my first relationship and how I struggled to say those words, “I love you” to my boyfriend. When he said those words to me, I felt strange. Not a good kind of strange. It was the awkward kind; the one I had seen between my parents. When it became an issue, I forcefully said those words but I never meant them. I knew I cared about him a lot but love? That was going a bit too far from me. Funny enough, the relationship lasted for over two years. Quite unbelievable actually.

I went off to uni with this distorted idea of love. I had felt romance but not true love. Somehow I began to associate love with romance. So I felt the only way I could be loved was to be in a relationship with a guy. I thought that was what true love meant. Hollywood didn’t help matters. After watching movies like Princess Diaries and Pretty Woman, I wanted to experience that type of ‘knight in shining armour’ kind of love. I believed only a guy could give me that so I ended up obsessing over this one guy for years. I wanted him to love me the ‘Hollywood’ kind of way. I wanted him to fill a void in my heart that caused a lot of pain. Little did I know that I was asking too much from him.

Of course, that relationship was a bittersweet one. Let me tell you something about love, two broken people cannot have a truly loving relationship if they don’t allow Jesus to heal their hurts first. It took me a while to realise that. I used to think it was because I wasn’t beautiful or slim enough that this guy could not love me. For years I had self-esteem issues and I desperately sought his approval. I still didn’t get the love that I so craved for. I tried other guys but it was all the same. I got to the point where I couldn’t even make the effort to ‘love’ anymore.

But guess what? I eventually found the love I was looking for. It was right there all along; I was simply looking in the wrong places. I found true love in God. This love is not erotic or tied to romance, it is the unconditional kind of love. It is the love that carries you when you have no strength of your own. It is the love that fills your heart even when there is no one around. It is the love that gives you the confidence that everything will be alright. It was difficult for me to accept God’s love initially because I didn’t understand it. How could I love someone who I couldn’t see or touch? Surely love involves an element of touch.

Well, it doesn’t. True love is of the spirit of God. It is patient, it is kind. It causes you to be a better person. It refines you and gives you hope for tomorrow. I have tasted this love and I cannot begin to describe how much it has changed me. I am no longer that girl who has self-esteem issues. I am a woman who is confident in who she is in Christ. I no longer seek the validation of men. I love the woman I have turned out to be and I want to share the love that is in my heart with others.

Stop looking for love in hopeless places. Don’t be drunk on counterfeit love. You will only end up being an emotional wreck. I’ve been there. Seek the love of God instead. You don’t need a man to tell you that you are beautiful. You are already beautiful the way you are. Don’t you know you are wonderfully and fearfully made? Don’t let the hurts of past relationships turn you into a bitter person. Surrender all your hurts to God. He will heal you and show you what true love is.

No man can ever love you the way God loves you. Why waste your time chasing shadows when you can have access to genuine, undiluted and unconditional love everyday of your life? Ponder on that.

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3 Replies to “This thing called ‘Love’”

  1. Lovely post.

    I have found true love, truly
    Sometimes I feel I won’t find what I want in a man
    Not been choosy or anything
    Sometimes indifferent but you know what I have decided to have faith in God, that He can give me what I need because I am not settling for anything less…

    Great post. Don’t always share like this but your blog seems truly sincere.

    1. Thank you for the compliment Tessy.

      I agree with you. I also reached that point of indifference but now I am just waiting on God and every time I confess the Scripture in Isaiah 34 that none shall lack her mate. It’s always good to wait for God’s best.

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