The season where every guy around you becomes your boyfriend

Don’t you just love the mid-twenties? People are steady marking time for you; “When are you getting married”, “Who is he?”, “Ehen…is that him?” and so many other intrusive questions are thrown your way on a daily basis. Honestly I can’t deal anymore. But is it possible for us to develop a one size fits all answer for all these aproko people?

Sometimes I just want to ask them, “How does it affect your life that I am not yet married.” The tricky part is that most of the people who ask these pointless questions are within your family so giving them that kind of answer will definitely be a blunder. But is there a gentle way to tell them to stop? It’s so bad now that I discourage guys from coming to visit me at home. The conversation after they leave is always very painful to get through; at least for me it is.

A few weeks ago, my aunty came to visit. I was really excited to see her. We got talking and she started going through pictures on my phone. She got to a particular picture and said, “Is that him”. “What do you mean is that him”, I asked in return, trying to feign ignorance. “You know now, is that our husband” she answered. I just shook my head and asked her why she would conclude that we were dating just because that was the first picture that had me and a guy together. I told her to scroll down and find many other pictures with different guys; some friends and some acquaintances. She shrugged and said “You people sha look cosy”. That was the end of the conversation for me right there.

This level of intrusiveness always makes me wonder; “Why must people constitute themselves as monitoring spirits in your life?” It keeps getting worse. There was a time I changed my DP on BBM and Whatsapp to a picture of me and my brother. I did not hear word that day. “Is this Le boo”, “Cough, cough…so this is bae”, “Finally we get to meet him”…those were the kind of cringe-worthy comments I was receiving from people. My brother? Le boo? Are you serious? Since that traumatising episode, I have refrained from putting up my brother’s picture. Actually I have refrained from putting any guy’s picture as my DP except if it is their birthday and I clearly state it in my status.

I think the experience that puts the icing on the cake is the one that happened yesterday. So one of my clients decided to get me a very generous gift; something that I wanted for a long time. I got home and when my mum saw it she said; “Who is this person that gave it to you. He’s your boyfriend abi?” She said it casually like it was one of those things but knowing my mother, I knew she was scouting for gist. As I told her the true source of the gift, I saw a different expression on her face; one that read, “When will this girl just bring one man and say he is her boyfriend”. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw her expression.

I keep saying it and people keep taking it as a joke; we really need to learn how to chill and mind our business. It’s that simple. If I attend your daughter’s wedding I am just there to celebrate with her. I don’t need to be questioned about when it is going to be my turn. I don’t want to receive a lecture on how time is going when you find out that the guy I’ve been gisting with on the phone is just my friend. Please there are more serious issues in the world. Let’s relax and focus on the important matters in our lives.

Won’t it be great if people could actually do this?

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