25on25Series – Learning how to be numb

Wow….I can’t believe that this series will be over soon. I have two more posts to go. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading the various posts in the series as much as I have enjoyed writing and posting them on the blog. Today I am going to be candid in this post. So here it goes.

Words get to me…a lot. I muse over things that was said to me hours after it was said…sometimes even days. Yes it could be that bad. Over the years I’ve been hurt a lot by words. I don’t even think the people who said those words realised how much impact they had. And what made it worse was that I never forgot what was said. Up until about two years ago, I could give you a full list of every bad thing someone has ever said to me and I will tell who said it and the precise moment they made the statement. Gosh…that’s actually quite horrible.

Thank God for growth as I always say. Something happened two years ago. I started to learn how to become numb; especially to hurtful words and actions. It wasn’t easy at first. I had to fight a lot with myself to let those words go. Handling my mum over this particular issue was even more difficult. She always said things that pierced my soul. I don’t think she meant them to be hurtful. She was just being blunt but that did not change the hurtful effects of those words. So we would argue and fight a lot over this and I always reminded her of the hurtful things she said. What a burden that was.

Now that I have learnt how to become numb, I feel a lot lighter. Instead of reacting to hurtful words, I just sit in blissful ignorance. It’s like the person making the statement doesn’t even exist. A few weeks ago during choir rehearsals, a fellow choir member came to me and said something that was really mean. I looked at her, smiled and said “And your point is?” She walked away from me with a stunned looked on her face. I simply moved on. I was proud of myself. I didn’t let her words get to me. There was another time that someone was on a mission to get me upset by saying some really annoying things but I just sat there in silence; oblivious to all the nonsense that was coming out of this person’s mouth. I didn’t say a word. I had tuned out. When the person realised he was talking to himself, he moved on. I got up and walked away from that scenario with my head high and my heart unscathed.

It’s not easy to be numb when people are trying to bring you down with their words but it prevents you from being filled with pain. You need to let go of the burden of hurtful words. Trust me, you cannot go far if you carry such burdens. I’m a living testimony of that fact. I carried the burden of hurtful words for over 10 years and it really didn’t do me any good. I wasn’t pleasant to be around and it was difficult for me to be truly happy. When I decided to turn that burden over to God and learn to be numb, I was free. Free to live, free to love and free to take risks. It was easier to tolerate people and most importantly, it was easier to forgive and move on.

So if there’s one thing I am really grateful to God for about my life so far, it is the fact that I have learnt how to be numb. I have chosen instead to let the love of Christ radiate through my life. Anyone who wants to throw shade at that will find that shade bouncing back on them. Life is too short to waste time ruminating over things that are insignificant. I’m living life to the fullest and spreading the love of Christ 🙂

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