Ladies, let’s have some girl talk

I love being a woman. There’s a depth to us that many men don’t understand or appreciate. We may be complex but this is what adds to the beauty of being a woman. One of the things I dislike about being a woman is maintaining the right balance in relationships with the opposite sex while playing by all the necessary rules.

For a lot of women, they desire to get married and start a family. Unfortunately, thanks to so many factors, boy-girl relationships are not so straight-forward any more. Let me explain. I was having a discussion with a group of friends and they were lamenting on how difficult it is to find a good man (that seems to be the mountain of a lot of women these days). When they spot a guy that they can see themselves being in a relationship with, he is either engaged or otherwise unavailable. They don’t like the guys approaching them for various reasons: lack of attraction, differences in fundamental values, age gap etc. It seems like it is only the unsuitable guys that are approaching them. Ladies, why does this happen?

One of my friends also shared a problem a lot of ladies can relate with; the guy she is head over heels in love with is not interested. Ok I can’t say for sure that he is not interested but he’s not making any moves. My friend wanted to know what I thought. Should she make the first move? Should she tell this guy how she really feels because all this while, she’s been playing it cool? Maybe the guy actually likes her deep down but he’s just the shy type. They seem so good together. They get along well, love the same things and have similar beliefs. I really didn’t know what to tell her. I wrote an article some years back on women making the first move and I remember recommending it for women who are bold. Personally, I don’t think it’s a good idea because I’ve tried it before and it was a disaster (thankfully I was a teenager then so it didn’t hurt too long). But I feel for my friend; it’s driving her crazy having to do the ‘he likes me, he likes me not game’. What can she do?

When I think about relationships with men, I honestly wish things were more straight-forward. Let’s lay all our cards on the table from the beginning and know what we are doing. It’s not nice to lead someone on when you have no meaningful intention towards them; both men and women are guilty of this. I say it jokingly sometimes but I really do wish God will just show me the picture of the person I will get married to. It will make my life a lot easier (Lord here’s a nice gentle reminder *big smile*).

So what’s your take on this issue? Do you think women need to voice out more about how they feel or should they remain passive. Guys, where do you think ladies are getting it wrong in this area? What will make a guy stay away from a girl that is perfect for him and choose to remain friends with her?

Let’s discuss. I would love to hear your thoughts.


3 Replies to “Ladies, let’s have some girl talk”

  1. The contrast between how men and women communicate is SO completely different, it’s a wonder we can navigate it at all.
    For a man to connect effectively to a woman, he needs to leave his comfort zone, and connect to her emotionally. And for a woman to connect to a man, she has to leave her comfort zone, and connect to him physically.
    Women do communicate with men, however it’s very simple and subtle. Very passive. For her intentions to be heard, it helps for her to come out of her comfort zone and be loud, precise and to the point. And for him to be heard by her, he needs to learn to speak [the lost art of] the language of emotion.
    There’s no such thing as a relationship that happens smoothy without effort. Romance moves on silk to get the two of you connected. However when the relationship shifts into partnership and you’re not paying attention, the relationship may easily become unraveled.

    Yes, women need to voice their feelings, and share in the physical responsibility of the direction of the relationship.
    So by making the first move you are learning what it feels like to be on that fence between rejection and bliss, and how much of a twisted ball of emotion that is. Something we men go through each and every time we approach you. Some men are bold and say it how it is. Some blurt it out inside-out and upside-down. While others may take a while before they find courage.
    Men need to learn to slow down, and women need to learn to speak up.

    Anyway… we have a lot we can improve on. When we feel our life out of balance, gently do the opposite… counterbalance.

    1. Thank you for your commment. It definitely got me thinking. Both men and women have a role to play in smoothening things out when it comes to relationships. I believe it’s possible to find that balance but the exact balance depends on the parties involved. What works for you may not work for me,

  2. This is true. Anything is better than just sitting there thinking the other person’s going to move first.
    As a professional, I’ve watched one relationship after another just sit there and stare at each other, too hopeless to move. And instead of being responsible and taking action for their own happiness, they blame the other person for their unhappiness.
    Any, this is not your game, I get it.
    Thank you for the discussion.

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