When the brain needs a mental detox

Jeremiah 29-11

Everyday when I wake up, a million thoughts fill my head. These do not reduce as the day goes on; no it simply piles on. More and more thoughts. Sometimes I think my brain is going to explode. But I can’t stop thinking. For me, not thinking is abnormal. I can’t get my mind to stay still. Stay still? What does that even mean? How does ones mind remain still? If you know then please tell me.

What are these things that I think of you wonder. Well everything really. Like when will that big break finally come? Every day, I work hard to place that next piece in the puzzle. Sometimes I lose motivation then I remember God’s words to me. Other times I’m just overwhelmed. Can it all just stop? But I don’t have the luxury of giving up. My success story depends on me persevering till the very end. What about those people who look up to me; the people that I encourage everyday with my words? If I give up now what example do they have to follow? No I can’t give up but it troubles me still. This pain I have to face everyday. Cracking my head, trying to figure out a business model, trying to show the world what I’ve got. Sometimes it’s just the pain of surviving. What will I eat today? Will the money I have be enough to bring me home if I go out today? And what of those days when I just want to lay on my bed and do nothing. Those are the days where the fruit of my efforts are not obvious. Can I stand to face another day of nothingness? Oh the pain.

I seem to have lost my train of thoughts. What were we talking about? Oh yes I remember…the things I think about. Ah why did I decide to write about my thoughts, I hope this piece does not appear disjointed…my thoughts are many to put it lightly. So what do I think about? I think about my family. I want them to be fine. I miss my dad. I think about him. What is he doing? What’s going on in his mind? I want him to have a break. He’s been through enough. I wish I can do something that will bring back the light into his life. The darkness has lasted too long. I think of my mum; our very fragile relationship. Can we sustain these seemingly good times? I wonder when one of us will break and we’ll go back to what we’re used to. I wonder if I could have tried harder. Maybe I should have put in more effort. I shouldn’t have been so quick to give up even though I tried so many times that I’ve lost count now.

Thoughts

Yes I think about my family…a lot. It’s not just my present family, I think about my future family. When exactly will that happen? I have all these things to accomplish that I don’t even know where to fit it in. Can God just give me date? I joke with my friends that I want God to show me the picture of my significant other. I don’t want to choose out of these herd of guys that are coming my way. I don’t have the energy to do it. A little ‘expo’ from God won’t hurt…or will it? I don’t know. It actually gives me a headache when I think about it. My brain can’t stand the pressure so it shifts to something else. What about your Masters degree? Oh I completely forgot about that. When in the grand scheme of things will I do this? What course should I go for? There are so many things I want to learn. Should I go back to the UK? Ah…confusion looms. Oh I’m forgetting one important thing; tuition money. Hmm…where am I going to get that? It’s all in God’s Hands really. After all, He did say He would supply all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. I believe Him so I’m not worried. My brain gets it. It’s time to move on from this train of thought. What about your ministry in church? You know you’ve been struggling with your voice. Thanks…I completely forgot. I wonder where my confidence went to? I get on that stage and my vocal chords just freeze. Then come the comments after the service. Ah…I can’t deal. I don’t want to think about this.

Ok what should I blog about today? That’s a pretty light subject to think about. Hmm…I’m blank. Wrote about writer’s block yesterday so I cant write about it again today. Or should I do part 2? Will people be interested in reading that? Or will they figure it out; that I don’t have anything to write about? Why do I make absolutely simple issues complex. Someone once made this complaint about me. It was a guy that I really liked. I’m sure you can guess that didn’t go anywhere. Sad. Where was I? Ah…my brain has started wandering again. Sigh. I think I’m just going to call it a day here. My head hurts. Unfortunately, it won’t stop thinking. It won’t just stop.

Hope you enjoyed it. That’s how my mind literally rambles! Someone said I haven’t done much creative writing lately and I decided to do one today. What you read is a mixture fiction and non-fiction (yes I just created my own type of writing). I’ll leave you with the task of figuring out which one applies to what paragraph. You’re welcome. Have an awesome weekend!

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2 Replies to “When the brain needs a mental detox”

  1. Heya! Caught my self smiling while reading this piece…I think of same thing too, wrote a think about it today on my blog, am happy in this world, of writing one’s thought, the comfort it brings, the feeling of feeling just fine, it’s my escape route from the normal “fake” world…lol…the craziness is ‘”write” in the head, far from the nosiness of the people of the world, sorry for the long speech, Nice piece again!

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